All That Glitters…

does not a great Oscar dress make.

Last night’s Oscars brought out the biggest stars with some of the most glitteriest (and at times fuggliest) fashions.

First – the awards.

YAY ARGO!

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Why did I love it so much?

1) I’m a huge Affleck fan. I love that people wrote him off as hot leading guy Hollywood douche and then he gets married, has a precious family and make 3 really great films.

2) The time period for Argo was captured PERFECTLY. I vividly remember that time period. I was only 5, but I remember my parents watching the news about the hostage crisis. I remember the fuzzy tv and Walter Cronkite and the fashion. It’s one of the few times that I was alive during the the same years as a serious period movie, so I know that it’s authentic and I feel like it was a part of it.

3) I knew the outcome of the movie and yet I was anxious watching it the whole time.

4) It was both humorous and serious. Totally rare.

YAY JENNIFER LAWRENCE!

Was she best actress this year? I don’t know because I didn’t see all the movies, but she was fabulous in Sliver Linings Playbook. And, really, she’s awesome. Watch this post-win interview for proof:

Other winners were expected. Anne Hathaway gave a pretty but… I don’t know, not sincere feeling speech. Everyone predicted, so I don’t think she there was any shock or disbelief. She looked fabulous, save for her nipples walking into a room before her.

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Adele’s win for Skyfall was perfect, as was her performance and her look. She’s just amazing in every way. I love the juxtaposition of her vintage glam with her beautiful voice and ability to drop an F-bomb and tell it like it is.

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Best Dressed: Charlize Theron

Stunning. Simple. Elegant. LOVE.

Full length:

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Up close:

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Other Favorite Fashions:

Stacy Kiebler:

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Naomi Watts:

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Jessica Chastain:

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Jennifer Aniston:

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Sandra Bullock:

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Bad Sequin Jobs

Nicole Kidman’s getup looked like a trashy prom dress that had been dipped in oil. Hair and makeup were fab, though.

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Barbra Streisand’s look was like a Lite-Brite gone wrong.

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Salma Hayek looks like her throat collar/neck brace weighs more than she does.

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Hot Messes/Train Wrecks

Renee Zellweger and her botched face and drunken stupor:

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Is it a prerequisite for Kristen Stewart to show up looking unwashed? The greasy hair is always so bad. She’s really pretty. I just don’t get this.

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Celeb Who Most Needs To Fire Her Stylist

Melissa McCarthy – this woman is a beaming ray of fricken sunshine. Why on earth would they put her in a drab gray bedspread with giant hair? She’s so pretty and could look so amazing if they just styled her right. I swear, Hollywood just doesn’t know how to style a plus size lady. I should try to find her so I can do her justice.

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That’s it for awards season. Can’t wait until next year!

Why Thursday Night Wins TV This Year

First, Community. It’s one of the craziest, smartest, quirkiest shows on tv. If you’re not watching it, then you’re lame and you should rectify that shit quick.

Tonight hit a geek home-run with it’s grand homage to Doctor Who. I mean, my husband was freakin’ giddy.

And then this happened:

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Jeff: Well, I just went upstairs and saw your room… saw the two robes… the two coffee cups – one with lipstick, one without – and I saw actual hair that looked a lot like mine on my side of the sink SO, I have some questions.

Annie: Oh god.

Jeff: First of all, is that my hair? And if so, did it fall out naturally? Because if it did, you need to tell me right now cuz I have to call SCIENCE. Also, what the hell is going on?

Annie: Ok, I MAY have been play-acting that we were married and then the staff thought you were cheating and I had to save face.

Jeff: Do I have to worry about this?

Annie: No… I was just daydreaming. I’ve married you at least a half a dozen times… and Troy… and Zac Efron… Mostly Zac Efron.

Jeff: Does Zac get a drink thrown in his face?

Annie: I don’t know… I guess I was a little hurt that you ditched me. I mean, we are friends, right? Would it have been that painful to hang out together?

Jeff: Well, I can tell you one thing your fantasy got wrong. If we were married, you wouldn’t find me flirting with other women in a hotel bar. But there are a lot of things you would want to do that I wouldn’t because I’m

Annie: Older?

Jeff: Not lame. *pause* Wanna hang out now? Can I buy you a drink? Whatdaya want?

Annie: An appletini.

Jeff: OH. GOD. Don’t make me order that. Please?

Annie: Pleeease?

*Jeff exits*

Annie: heh. Appletini.

Swooooooon. So much swoon. The whole internet is a flutter with gifs of this scene and basically flippin’ shit to see these two get together. Plus? When Jeff gets all sincere every girl’s ovaries start exploding. When you couple that rare moment of sincerity with his wit, dreamy looks and confidence it’s just like, whoa.

And if all that wasn’t just OMG enough, they end with this:

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KELLY AND DYLAN CLOSED THE MOTHERTRUCKIN’ SHOW!

Aaahhhhh! My 18-year-old self just lost her ever-lovin’ shit.

Then there’s Parks and Rec. PARKS. AND. REC? Shut the front door, ya’ll. Tell me this isn’t wedding perfection. This is every girl’s fantasy wedding photo.

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Love times a thousand. This was their special place. Check out this timeline of gifs that my excellent husband found that tells the story of the flower mural.

Community and Parks and Recreation air Thursdays on NBC.

Mardi Gras In The Alamo City

mardi-gras-mask-for-classToday is Mardi Gras – Fat Tuesday. The day before the start of the Lenten season for all you Catholic types. A day that is all about eating your face off, drinking like you’re a college freshman and possibly showing your tits on Bourbon street for cheap plastic beads.

Although I was raised mostly in Texas, I was born in Breaux Bridge, Lousiana. I’m a Cajun through and through. My family has lived there forever. I don’t know how far back we go, but my great grandmother was born there in 1900. So I’m mighty proud when my friends affectionately (I hope) call me Swamp Queen. It’s like a badge of honor.

I lived in Houston for 26 of my 37 years so I’m very much a Texas girl as well. However, Houston was like this weird hybrid of Cajun and Texan culture due to all the Louisiana transplants moving there for oil and gas careers. That’s how we got there, along with many people we met through out the years. Crawfish boils and gumbo are the norm, only with a Texas twang instead of broken French.

Even though we embraced Texas, we always made sure to bring our Cajun heritage over. One thing in particular my parents did was put together a Mardi Gras Krewe. I miss that. Every year we had a fall social to kick it off, then planned a themed costume ball and ended the year with a crawfish boil. We stopped doing it a few years ago when folks got busy with babies and grandbabies. But even without the Krewe of Rex Arborius around, Mardi Gras was everywhere in Houston. Galveston had parades. Restaurants and bars had huge celebrations. I used to order King Cakes from Keller’s Bakery in Lafayette for the office because they had overnight delivery service. (And OMG, everyone should taste one of these at least once in their life.) So even though our krewe was gone, I didn’t miss it too much.

3ef77fa8758411e2b3e122000a1f9a4f_7But in San Antonio, there’s not much of that here. There’s the occasional restaurant, some of which are owned by ex-New Orleans folk uprooted by Katrina, but it’s not the same. My friend Nathan did bring back King Cake from New Orleans. That was a nice lil’ bit of lagniappe.

So, tonight, I made my own lil’ Mardi Gras in my house. I cooked myself an étouffée with the crawfish I’d been saving from my last trip to Breaux Bridge and washed it down with a vodka soda. It was great. I’m sure my husband is hoping for some of that sweet bead action, too. That part remains to be seen. I mean, this ain’t Bourban Street, ya know?

Laissez le bon temps roule, y’all! I hope everybody passed a good time!

jpegPS – I did watch some TV. Cougartown was on and they were playing “Things Ellie Would Never Say” which is one of the greatest games, ever and Jules took an Ambien to sleep and ended doing some seriously weird shit. I belly-laughed. A lot.

Best Grammys Ever.

I can’t tell you how long it’s been since I’ve watched a Grammy Awards show all the way through. Normally I’m bored out of my mind and pissed because they are showcasing lame acts and are so out of touch with reality.

But this year’s was AWESOME.

Let’s start with the fact that Justin Timberlake is back in a Big. Bad. Way. His new music? Dope. His retro vibe? Pimp. His new look? DAY-UM.

This one’s for all the ladies…

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Next treat for a super-ridiculous fan girl like me? The coolest, most beautifully delicious man on Earth AND my birthday twin Johnny Depp was a presenter. Was. Not. Expecting. That.

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Also, this happened at some point before the show. Johnny Depp, Dave Grohl at a table together? Uh, please put me sitting there. It’s on my bucket list to have a beer with both of those guys.

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The performances (outside of lil Tay-Tay Swift’s hot mess) were all on point. Great collaborations between artists and beautiful tributes. I really enjoyed all of them. My favorites being, Justin Timberlake, Mumford and Sons, The Lumineers and the LL Cool J/Chuck D/Tom Morrell/Travis Barker/DJ Z-Trip finale.

I’d also never heard of Manuel, but he was AWESOME. I’ll be checking out his stuff.

I loved that Chris Brown got ZIP and Frank Ocean got all the love.

*Soapbox Rant*

Seriously, Chris Brown can go eat a bag of dicks. I don’t care how awesome his music is, we should not be celebrating someone who so clearly has rage issues and zero respect for humanity. Every time I see him making an appearance, smiling like he’s such a great guy it makes want to punch my tv. And I love my tv, y’all.

And Rihanna? I don’t even know where to start. Learn to love yourself. That’s all I can say about that.

*End Soapbox Rant*

I love the fact that Adele and Kelly Clarkson both won awards tonight. Two beautiful, curvaceous ladies with huge voices and talent seeping out of every pore. They seem like genuinely good people who were just over the moon about winning. That’s the ladies I want for role models.

Carrie Underwood? Gorgeous, amazing voice and fabulous performance.

Alicia Keyes? Perfection as always.

Bruno Mars? I want to get down so hard every time I hear “Locked Out of Heaven”. Great performance tonight.

Mumford, Elton John, Jack White, Black Keyes, The Lumineers… I’m sure I’m missing some, but damn. It was really all amazing.

The only thing missing for me was Pink. Every time she performs she just blows me away.

Hot looking ladies of the night?

JLo put Angelina to shame with her “Ode to Leg”:

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Rihanna looked amazing, even if you could see her nips through that dress:

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Carrie Underwood’s black lace was FAB as was her “thousand points of light” dress:

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Ellen really loved Katy Perry’s dress.

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It grew on me as the night went on. It was daring because her boobs were, like, KABLAM! but the dress was actually very understated and simple and really showed off her flat tummy:

Adele’s dress really looked like someone’s grandmomma’s kitchen curtains, but she somehow pulled it off. Honestly, no one but her could do this. She’s so awesome.

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Kelly Clarkson looks great, too. I love the simple black dress with the sheer top.

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I know there were winners tonight, too, but I really don’t care. Everyone who won something deserved it.

It was a night that celebrated great artists and beautiful music for the first time in a long time.

And just because he’s my deliciously handsome birthday twin, I will leave you with more Johnny Depp.

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Betty Draper: Bitchy Arm-Candy

l090814_madmen_betty2Anyone who has ever watched Mad Men knows Betty Draper is a cold hearted, self-indulgent, certifiable bitch. This hooker should have just kept on being bitchy arm-candy and never had chirren. That’s about all she’s good for.

Did Don Draper like to sleep around? Yes. But can you blame him? She’s cold and aloof and so… vanilla. Don needs him some spice and flair and brains. Someone who will stand up to him and give him a run for his ego.

Did that probably damage her in some way? Yeah, but I think she was already broken. You don’t treat your children like that otherwise.

I just really love to hate her. I love that her character exists in the Mad Men world so I can bitch slap her with my thoughts on a regular. AND they made her get fat. Y’all don’t even know how much I loved watching her waddle into Weight Watchers.

Buzzfeed.com, maker of all awesome lists on the internet, posted this amazing breakdown of Betty Draper.

13 Moments When Betty Draper Just Don’t Give A Fuck

Shotgun wielding crazy-ass Betty is my favorite.

Mad Men airs on A&E. New episodes begin April 7th.

DO WANT.

My friend Lauren sent me this photo she got from her friend who does some awesome job where TBS sends her shit.

I NEED MY OWN BIG JOE/CARL TOO, MAN.

I’m gonna stalk Bill Lawrence, Christa Miller and Ian Gomez on Twitter until they send me one.

Hopefully I won’t get banned from ATX Fest.

Cougartown airs Tuesdays at 9 PM CST on TBS.

Robin Sparkles 4 LIFE

rs_cdDude. How I Met Your Mother hit it out. of. the. park. tonight! So many Canadian celebrities and so many references to Alanis Morissette.

The only thing that would have made this episode better is if the Goddess of Canadian teeny bop and grunge had made an appearance herself.

I mean, they even had Dave Coulier! And he did his “Cut. It. Out” Uncle Joey thing. (I bet he never did that when a certain someone went down on him in a theater.)

Jason Priestly, I’ll try your “Priestly” Tim’s Bit. Oh, yes I will.

Paul Shaffer, James Van Der Beek, Alan Thicke, K.D. Lang, Alex Trebek, dudes from Rush and Barenaked Ladies… bra-vo. High-fives all around from this chick.

I really love when celebs take the time to simply make fun of themselves. It makes me think they might be cool in real life. I don’t want them to take themselves too seriously because that may lead to me wanting to punch them and never watch their shit again.

No one wants that madness.

Also, how great are Robin and Barney together? If they break them up again and the wedding doesn’t really happen, I’ll be PISSED. Who cares about Ted and his freakin’ yellow umbrella magical unicorn lady that he’s clearly never gonna meet when we have Robin and Barney?

Back to Alanis – she was my icon in the 90′s. I must have listened to Jagged Little Pill a thousand times in college. I still love her. I caught her show a few years ago and she’s as amazing as ever. She was everything the 90′s could have ever wanted and more in an alternative pop diva. My 20 year old heart through I’d found a kindred spirit who just “knew” me.

And she dated Ryan Reynolds, which is, like, SO awesome cuz he’s incredibly dreamy.

PLUS, she did one of the greatest covers, ever.

Ladies and gentleman, for your viewing pleasure, I present “My Humps” by Alanis Morissette.

How I Met Your Mother airs Monday nights at 7PM CST on CBS.

Superbowl: The Only Time I Care About Commercials

I realize that I’ve worked in TV and my paycheck (however small or sad) was funded solely by tv ads. That doesn’t mean I have to like them. Normally they just interrupt my favorite shows and annoy me.

But not on Superbowl day.

Admittedly, the highlight of the 2013 Superbowl was the power outage. I mean, a power outage? In the Superdome? Of all the stadiums in all the world it to happen in that one? That’s the stuff that memes are made of. Literally.

I’m convinced that all the ass shakin’ Beyonce did broke the Superdome.

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Anyway, back to the commercials – which were mostly crap. Boring, predictable crap. There were a few good ones, but otherwise, total snoozefest.

My favorites:

Hyundai

You gonna pick on me? I’ll bring back MY team to kick your ass.

M&M

It hurts but I kinda like it! – We’ve all been there, little buddy.

Tide

Miracle Stain!

Budweiser

Seriously – tissues needed.

Oreo

Whisper fight?! It’s like when I get the drunk whispers, only with people fighting and shit.

Doritos

Who doesn’t love dudes who play dress up with a little girl?

For us Texas peeps, we got a funny little spot for HEB featuring some dude I’ve never heard of cuz I don’t really listen to country music. He’s supposed to be legit, though. *shrug*

There were some other cute ones. Got Milk? with The Rock was good. Mercedes had a good one. There were also a couple that were trying way too hard to do a political or moral message. They were ok, but just too preachy for me. I also dug the Taco Bell one, but I don’t get it being in Spanish. Yes it’s “Mexican” food. But it just seemed like we were seeing the version that belonged on Spanish speaking networks. Like someone in the traffic department screwed up… only they didn’t. Weird.

But the worst by FAR was GoDaddy. You know they are always gonna cross the lines of taste, but this was really uncomfortable. And it wasn’t the kiss itself. I’m not skeeved out by a hot chick mackin’ on a nerd. It was the sounds that went along with it. Overdubbed and exaggerated like a bad Skin-a-max movie. I’m imbedding it, but I feel really dirty doing so.

Now, I have to wait for another full year before I watch commercials again. And I’m ok with that.

For a full rundown of all the commercials seen and not seen, visit the Superbowl Commercial site.

Squeefest: New Girl and THE KISS

MOTHERTRUCKIN’ SPOILERS GALORE, Y’ALL!

OMGOMGOMGOMGSQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

I was not expecitng this tonight. Like, not at all.

I totally thought that we were gonna see some silly sitcom tomfoolery where they almost do, but they can’t cuz they’re friends and then hilarity at the thought of it, with some awkward glances ending with a bestie hug and lesson.

But no. OH, NO. 1.5 years into the series and BAM. We’re gonna do this.

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I love the idea of Nick and Jess. They are a hot mess of preciousness. She’s a total weirdo that I want to be friends with and his sarcasm is off the charts which totally makes me giddy. Together, they could make the funniest most adorable couple to grace my TV.

So, is she gonna kick Dr. Sam to the curb? Will she and Nick have the greatest, sweetest romance ever or will they crash and burn in tv infamy?

New Girl writers, don’t fuck this up. I got my eye on you.

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